I have to admit that, since I’m from the New York metropolitan area, I can be a bit of a snob about certain foods. Pizza, for instance, is manna sent from the gods when bought in the tri-state region. Anywhere else, it’s just tomato sauce and cheesy bread. Bagels, likewise, should not be consumed outside of a 100 mile radius of Manhattan. The term “bagel” should be appellation controlled for this vicinity. Outside of this locale, bagels never seem to have the glossy hard shell or the meaty, tightly formed matrix of bread inside that I would expect from a real bagel. They don’t even seem to taste like a bagel should. Bagels sold in bags at the supermarket are even worse, they are merely bagels in shape only. A true bagel connoisseur would avoid them like a sommelier shuns boxed wine.
At least in the area of bagels, I’d hoped that some of my foodie elitism had worn off on my boyfriend. Last night, though, I found something despicable sitting next to our milk and eggs. I don’t know what prompted Ryan to buy it, but “Thomas’s Squares Bagelbread” is definitely one of the more ludicrous foods I’ve seen in a long
time.
The Thomas’s website has this to say about their product:
“THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD IS A REPLACEMENT FOR SLICED BREAD”
“Make the most of any sandwich, burger or snack with Thomas’ Squares Bagelbread. With the versatility of a sandwich bread, you can now add the traditional taste of Thomas’ bagels to any meal you desire.”
“Part Bagel. Part Bread. Totally Delicious.”
First of all, aren’t bagels already completely bread?
Secondly, what self-respecting executive gave the go-ahead for this product?
I imagine the product pitch for bagelbread squares went something like this:
Exec 1: Ok, so you know how bagels are totally boring and you can never seem to put anything on them?
Exec 2: Oh my god, I know! Seriously, why aren’t they more like regular bread? I mean, a circle of bread? How on earth do you hold it?!?!
Exec 1: Exactly! Well I think you’ll be excited by this new product. It takes all the excitement of a square piece of bread and then puts a hole in the middle of it!
Exec 2: You’re not talking about its some sort square-shaped bagelbread are you?
Exec 1: I am.
Exec 2: I can’t believe we haven’t thought of this before. I’m fast-tracking this product and giving you a bonus, you brilliant bagel revolutionary you!
Obviously, the idea is just plain stupid. The product, though, isn’t even executed well either. In no way does it approximate the texture or flavor I’d expect from a bagel. I toasted a piece last night and found it to be a slice of thick, gummy (square) bread with a small hole in the center. Even as bagged bread it would be barely palatable since it manages to be both very dry and chewy.
So lets review:
Bagels should be from New York, round, and tasty.
Thomas’s Squares Bagelbread is from a bag, square, and godawful.
At least in the area of bagels, I’d hoped that some of my foodie elitism had worn off on my boyfriend. Last night, though, I found something despicable sitting next to our milk and eggs. I don’t know what prompted Ryan to buy it, but “Thomas’s Squares Bagelbread” is definitely one of the more ludicrous foods I’ve seen in a long
time.The Thomas’s website has this to say about their product:
“THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD IS A REPLACEMENT FOR SLICED BREAD”
“Make the most of any sandwich, burger or snack with Thomas’ Squares Bagelbread. With the versatility of a sandwich bread, you can now add the traditional taste of Thomas’ bagels to any meal you desire.”
“Part Bagel. Part Bread. Totally Delicious.”
First of all, aren’t bagels already completely bread?
Secondly, what self-respecting executive gave the go-ahead for this product?
I imagine the product pitch for bagelbread squares went something like this:
Exec 1: Ok, so you know how bagels are totally boring and you can never seem to put anything on them?
Exec 2: Oh my god, I know! Seriously, why aren’t they more like regular bread? I mean, a circle of bread? How on earth do you hold it?!?!
Exec 1: Exactly! Well I think you’ll be excited by this new product. It takes all the excitement of a square piece of bread and then puts a hole in the middle of it!
Exec 2: You’re not talking about its some sort square-shaped bagelbread are you?
Exec 1: I am.
Exec 2: I can’t believe we haven’t thought of this before. I’m fast-tracking this product and giving you a bonus, you brilliant bagel revolutionary you!
Obviously, the idea is just plain stupid. The product, though, isn’t even executed well either. In no way does it approximate the texture or flavor I’d expect from a bagel. I toasted a piece last night and found it to be a slice of thick, gummy (square) bread with a small hole in the center. Even as bagged bread it would be barely palatable since it manages to be both very dry and chewy.
So lets review:
Bagels should be from New York, round, and tasty.
Thomas’s Squares Bagelbread is from a bag, square, and godawful.
1 comment:
I fear the people from Chicago may take some issue about the pizza comment. Good pizza does take investigation, but recently I found a little Greek pizza place in Denver whose pizza is sensational. The pepperoni people liked that and the "everything" folks were pleased too.
My business, Bright Beacon Partners, helps clients with new products. And yes, much of your dialogue does seem familiar to me. I assume that they test-marketed those square bagels and found enough market demand to launch them into additional markets. At least that's what we advise.
Post a Comment